♫ Just another manic Thursday ♫

On Monday, I began attending the Partial Program at Arbour Counseling. I enjoy talking about my state of mind and past history, but I do not enjoy other aspects of group therapy. I feel it is not time-efficient for me, and it often induces boredom. I am attending the program because it is one of my parents’ wishes that I need to comply to in order to continue living in their home. 

So how do I feel? Mixed emotions. I am not enjoying my time currently as much as I enjoyed my time in distant lands.

I have reflected on my past, and I have come to certain conclusions. I have a history of erratic, impulsive behavior. I keep juggling my soccer ball in various locations for the thrill of it, and I have a history of traveling to foreign lands (Havana , Mexico City, Montreal, and Washington D.C.) for similar reasons. I also blab about my blog a lot (https://jeffreytfarrell.blogspot.com). Since I have been able to travel alone off of the money I made independently, I can conclude that I was high-functioning before the hospital stay (except for the day of the incident). I was able to stay in Mexico City and function independently for 3 months (the longest I have stayed in one foreign country), and this was without being on any medication. I was also sociable and made friends, and I have kept in touch with them via Facebook and Instagram. 

A counselor at Arbour Counseling indicated I may very well be manic. Do I object? Not really haha. I do not know how severe something has to be to qualify as meeting the criteria for a particular condition. 

In addition to (mild?) mania, I think I am currently experiencing dissociative identity disorder. During the hearing at Newton-Wellesley Hospital, I brought up the possibility that I might have multiple personality disorder (the old term for dissociative identity disorder), since my current symptoms (which are subject to change) currently seem more in line with mania and dissociative identity disorder rather than schizophrenia. I’m no psychiatrist, but I am skeptical of the diagnosis placed on me during the hearing. I will bring this up to my counselors tomorrow. 

I was told by a fellow patient during my hospital stay that the records related to my hearing would be at Newton District Court, so I contacted them for copies of the records. I used this site to request them: https://newtonma.nextrequest.com/. If you want to know what happened during my hearing, I suggest you make a request yourself. Details related to my hearing and hospitalization are here: https://jeffreytfarrell.blogspot.com/2018/11/hospital-souvenirs.html

Recently, I created a book from my blog (it’s autobiographical). I figured it would be useful for constructing a proper diagnosis for my current state of mind, so I printed out a copy and gave it to one of the counselors at the Partial Program. I would like all the counselors to see it, as it provides insight to my mind and a more complete picture of who I am and what I’ve been up to lately. There is a Kindle version of my book and you are welcome to read it if you’d like. https://www.amazon.com/Jeffrey-Thomas-Farrell-Man-Mystery-ebook/dp/B07KRN1K56/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1542908520&sr=1-1&keywords=Jeffrey+Thomas+Farrell

Some Documents (Photos)

Hospital Souvenirs (Photos)

My Recent Trip - Mexico, Cuba, and Canada (Photos)

My Recent Trip. Chronicled with photos of ticket stubs, receipts, and my soccer balls.

Mexico City, Mexico -> Havana, Cuba -> Montreal, Canada -> Boston, MA -> Dedham, MA (home)

Back Home

On Friday, I was discharged from Newton-Wellesley Hospital after a month of being confined against my will. I certainly enjoy the greater freedom I have on the outside, along with the increased computer usage.

So how do I feel? Actually a tad worse than the days leading up to the incident. I was cranky on the day of the incident, but before that, I was blissfully content juggling in D.C. and eating their overpriced pizza. Maybe I need to juggle a soccer ball again to get back into a good mood.

I don't really experience depression...ever (well, nearly ever). In general, I'm more likely to be anxious than depressed and more likely to be bored than anxious. I get bored very easily, and I need to be entertained almost constantly. I have been like this since I was a child, and I have coping mechanisms for it; when hospitalized, my coping mechanisms are removed.

And I am currently not hearing voices in my head. I keep repeating this, because people ask me a lot. I heard voices in my head a year ago, but they suddenly stopped. It actually confuses some people when I tell them this. Perhaps other symptoms I've been experiencing are co-morbid with hearing voices?

I am however experiencing other mental and bodily changes. My memory has been in decline...at the age of 26. Perhaps this is due to the meds? My speech might have been affected by the meds too; I experienced an increase in the usage of malapropisms during my hospital stay (this didn't occur at all before the stay...). Luckily, now that I'm out, I haven't noticed myself saying any blatant verbal mistakes in the past couple days. People also tell me I look different, and that my appearance fluctuates greatly. I did gain weight at Newton-Wellesley Hospital...

Do I regret traveling? Absolutely not. I had the time of my life in Mexico, Cuba, Canada, and D.C. Perhaps coming back was a bad idea...Massachusetts police might be a tad stricter than in other places, but I don't really know. Maybe Cuban police would have done the same; I do not know their policy and how it differentiates from that of where I'm from. Since I wasn't actually going to attempt suicide, I would have preferred that the police chilled with me and then departed after I indicated I wouldn't actually kill myself. But instead, I was brought to a hospital against my will, where I faced approximately-one-month detainment and afterward received a bill in the mail. It was an 842-dollar Facebook post haha. At least I was introduced to Lactaid in the hospital. That stuff tastes great.

Oh, and here’s the video I promised everyone:

https://www.facebook.com/jeff.farrell.9699/videos/733306797055758/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpP6GtRKtL0

Here’s to sitting on the couch eating pizza haha

Another Day At Newton-Wellesley...

My health insurance is all squared away now. Everything related to it will take effect Tuesday next week. When I wake up Tuesday (Nov. 13) , the Partial Program will be funded for me.

My meds were just increased. Before, I took meds only at nights, but now I have morning meds too. I’m not quite sure why this change was brought about, as I do not know what symptoms are being exhibited to cause such a shift.

What have I been up to? I’ve mostly been chilling here, chatting to everyone in English and Spanish. Me gusta practicar mi espanol. Some of the people who speak Spanish here don’t like talking to me in Spanish, and they ignore me. Some of them talk to me in Spanish though, like a female custodian I recently met. Ella es muy simpatica.

I also printed out a PDF on Esperanto, in the hopes of learning this language. I’m starting to have second thoughts though. I might prefer learning a language like French, which is more actively used.

My mom told me she’d bring in an iPod (I’ve never actually used one), which will help pass the time. I might be able to put learning resources on the device, so I can study and walk about.

I’m not sad or nervous here currently (people keep asking). Just really bored haha

The next step in my journey...

Right now, I am currently at Newton-Wellesley Hospital. I am not permitted to leave, and I was brought here against my will Oct. 19, 2018.

When I am released, I plan on going home. I want to take a picture or video of myself eating pizza on the couch by the window in the living room.

I want to attend the Partial Program at Arbour Counseling in Jamaica Plain, the same place as last time. I intend to attend the program for its 2 week duration. One of the counselors speaks Spanish. And unlike last year, I will be able to converse with her in Spanish. I already left Betsy (my favorite counselor) a voicemail detailing my current situation and my desire to continue the Partial Program in the near future (as soon as I depart from Newton-Wellesley Hospital). I already contacted my social worker about my current lack of health insurance, and she has stated that she pinged my financial counselor about the matter.

If I had it my way, I’d be out of Newton-Wellesley Hospital today (obviously...to anyone who has spoken with me or read my Facebook statuses) and in the Partial Program. I like freedom very much.